Ensign Redshirt: Midnight

I received word within the past hour that the owner of this blog is in some trouble. As the reigning Superfan, I’ve come in to take control of the situation while the manhunt for Evil Spock is underway. Please, if you have seen Evil or know where Evil lies, contact the authorities. We have already looked in the hearts of men.

I’ll do my best to keep you in the loop as this tragedy unfolds.

I’m sitting here in my high-tech office, called in to work when all I want is to be sitting at home playing chess with my kid. Apparently, a possible assassination attempt on the first African-American presidential candidate with a shot at winning merits interrupting my family life, but I digress. It’s midnight—prime chess playing time in this household—and pardon me for taking a few moments to reflect on what that means.

The short answer, of course, is the middle of the night, but there’s some confusion over what constitutes “middle.” Western culture has forced this rather arbitrary definition to begin the next day—12:00 p.m.—but when a new day begins, I’m usually better rested. While technically tomorrow, it still feels like yesterday.

Days used to be measured in terms of sunlight, so a day only lasted from 6-ish to 6-ish. I guess the dark hours were just completely ignored, but that was before TiVo. Solar midnight, however, is more natural. That’s when the sun is furthest from dusk and dawn, a phenomenon dependent on longitude and not time zone. It rarely comes at 12:00 p.m. on the clock.

There’s something mystical about that point of apogee when things are as dark as they can get. Strange things happen, like strzygas rising from the grave to suck the blood of mortals, zmoras stealing the breath of sleeping babies, and dybbuks causing insanity through possession. It is also when witnesses to terrorist acts are brought in for a little night torture (lawyers pending).

I’ve got to go extort another employee for information. Be right back.

Transmission ended!