Ensign Redshirt: Nine PM

George didn’t want the job anyway, so he tells me. Tony just got promoted. Wait, or was it Michelle. No, no, it’s Driscoll’s turn to be in charge. At least until her kid ODs, and then maybe Jack comes back into the picture, after he’s traded back to use for either Alexis or Behrooz. Does anyone ever think about me in that role? Nope. One little slip-up with a Chinese Embassy, and it’s like you have leprosy. Oh, well … it gave me a lot of free time to scan the Social Security Death Index for signs of Evil Spock.

The SSDI was created from the U.S. Social Security Administration’s “Death Master File Extract.” Sounds ominous. A perfect place for the Vulcan to hide. Most people who have died since 1963 —and had a Social Security Number—and whose death had been reported to the Department of Social Security—will be listed in the SSDI. It’s the last place we’d look for Evil Spock, which it is why it is so perfect we would find him there.

I picture him sitting pretty in the database, chatting up Elvis Presley and Walter Payton, the only famous person I could really find. Probably talking about the last Super Bowl and how Walter didn’t get a chance to score in that one, either. Elvis didn’t see it at all, what with his television problem.

The thinking behind SSDI is genealogy, making it easier for people to trace their personal heritage. Seems a bit odd in this day of identify theft, which is another reason I think ES is in there. He’s probably going to come out any moment as Marian Ketchup (257-56-4436) or Samuel Mustard (303-46-0305) or even Mr. Spock (468-34-2266). He’s so clever.

Death is in the air. It smells really, really bad. I’m going to light a candle.

Transmission ended . . .