Ensign Redshirt: Seven PM

Marwan, Marwan, Marwan. That’s all anyone around here is talking about these days. I think this bush-league terrorist is getting too much attention, taking our collective eyes off of the ball with Evil Spock. He’s probably holed up in some mansion on some island by now, laughing.

Of course, if he is laughing, it may not be at us. Evil Spock is a connoisseur of Saturday Night Live, the weekly comedy-variety show that has been airing on NBC since 1975. Although several hundred years old, ES missed the first several seasons—The Golden Years—due to developmental, evolutionary and probably pre-conceptive obstacles. I suspect the Vulcan’s mom didn’t “get” the cultural references.

Created by Canadian Lorne Michaels, SNL will be around at least until 2012, just three years shy of its 40th birthday. Over the years, SNL has been a launching pad for successful careers, being defined in both terms of quality (Steve Martin) and quantity (David Spade). It has even launched a meta-show, 30 Rock, based on the experience of putting out a comedy-variety show.

It has also been a magnet for strange and premature deaths. John Belushi (drugs), Gilda Radner (cancer), Danitra Vance (cancer) Michael O’Donoghue (cerebral hemorrhage), Chris Farley (drugs), Phil Hartman (murder) and Charles Rocket (suicide) are all former regulars who met their ends. Sam Kinison (drugs) was a guest host. Semi-regular guest comedian Andy Kaufman may or may not be dead, depending on whom you believe. We can’t prove it yet, but I’m convinced Evil Spock is behind all that, too.

An update on the home front for you: Teri still has some memory problems (nothing some drugs and trauma won’t shake away from her), and Kim just left her injured boyfriend to hook up with some hunter with a bomb shelter out in the woods. I haven’t heard from either of them recently, but to be fair Teri probably doesn’t remember my number.

Transmission ended . . .