Hello Dalai!

Evil Spock is suffering from evil fatigue, and Evil Spock couldn't figure out why. Is Evil Spock burned out, and all the evil have seeped out of all of Evil Spock's evil pores? Perhaps the Evil Tooth Fairy stole all of Evil Spock's evil wisdom teeth in the middle of the night, because Evil Spock's jaw hurts and there are shiny new nickles under Evil Spock's pillows? Maybe Evil Spock is just lazy?

Can't be the last one . . .

Evil Spock has tons of excuses for not answering The Few's questions. Evil Spock also has scapegoats by the millions. So Evil Spock will randomly choose a scapegoat from Evil Spock's Enemy's List to blame for Evil Spock's lackadaisical attitude towards the blog:

Drumroll please . . .

And the winner is the Dalai Lama!

His Holiness, Tezin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama is visiting Bloomington, IN this week. All the Buddhist-y good feelings he's bringing is sapping Evil Spock's strength to write. Not to mention Evil Spock is deathly allergic to his Nobel Peace Prize, much like Superman is allergic to Kryptonite. Its too bad Evil Spock would die upon touching said award, because Evil Spock has heard that its filled with chocolates.

Everyone send their hate mail to Mr. Lama for making Evil Spock neglect The Few. Regardless, Evil Spock has ventured outside of Evil Spock's Cave of Seclusion (aka "The Crying Place") to answer the questions from the loyal and adorable Few. Let the Q&A commence!

Ask Evil Spock!

Lorie Long, a fellow blogger (what blog do you write?), had this queries for your Majesty, Evil Spock:

This is a burning question I am sure you are just dying to answer: Why do the needs of the many out weigh the needs of the few? Look forward to the answer on your blog.

Lorie, its because Evil Spock belongs to The Few, and whats good for The Few is good for Evil Spock. If Evil Spock shared all of Evil Spock's wealth and resources to The Many (i.e. Universal Healthcare, Free College Education), how can Evil Spock bathe in Dom Perignon while being served delicious and near-extinct foods by well-trained silver back gorillas?

Sorry about the burning though, some penicillin should clear that up.

Jazz from Haphazard Life is a loyal member of The Few, and someone who'd Evil Spock would consider for Superfan 2007, had a question about the front placeholder to POTUS for next year's presidential election:

What does Evil Spock think of Hillary as President? Does he think she has a chance? Would she be better or worse than her predecessors? OK technically that's three questions, but what the hell...

Hillary would make a better president than the Commander-in-Chimp. That bar is so low, ants can't limbo underneath it. Does she have a chance? Sure. Is she the best the Dems have to offer? Definitely not.

Evil Spock's only beef (actually not the only beef) is that she could mobilize The Right, and get them to the polling booths to vote for the GOP. She's a polarizing person, and the GOP need a figure to rail against. Evil Spock's fave candidate from The Left is Edwards.

Then again, they are all mere placeholders for Evil Spock until 2012.

An associate to Evil Starfleet, Pavel Chekov runs Chekov's Kick-Ass Music Videos. Pavel had a question concerning blogging talent and geography:

Why is it that nearly all bloggers hail from one of two places: Indiana and Canada? Is there some sort of connection between Indiana and Canada? I realize this constitutes two questions in one e-mail but I consider myself to be special because I am a blogger who is from neither Indiana or Canada.

Have you been to Indiana or Canada? There's nothing to do in either place except shuck corn, make meth, and get drunk off of a concoction of maple syrup and Moose antlers. Hoosiers and Canucks don't write because they're interesting (though many are), they write because its the only thing keeping them from going batshit insane.

Straight out of Austin, a crazy motherfucker named Pokopo had a bevy of questions. Instead of submitting so many queries, perhaps the Pineapple Princess should work more on her two blogs, The Pineapple Report and The Traveling Pineapple. Come on, the Traveling Pineapple hasn't been updated since August!

Who?

Her Popkoponess.

What?

Pineapple Upside Down Cake Bake-off.

When?

The 13th of Smarch.

Where?

Kooey Kooey Kooey Island.

Why?

Because Smarch has lousy weather.

How?

Evil Spock assumes her Pokoponess knows her way around a Pineapple Upside Down Cake.

Jim Dandy over at MONDO DANDY had this shoe fetishist question for Evil Spock:

Do you have a favorite brand of shoes?

Evil Spock is well-versed in the ancient art of deadly shoe-throwing. The best shoe for shoe murdering is any pair of Doc Martens. They both have the weight and aerodynamics to kill an elderly person at 60 paces.

Mark from Mondo Marco

Has Evil Spock always been evil, or was there some traumatic event when he was but a spocklet that led him to a life of malevolence and debauchery?

There were many traumatic events in Evil Spock's life that could've sent Evil Spock over the edge, but the one moment that came to mind is when Evil Spock's mother threw away all of Evil Spock's boxes to Evil Spock's Transformer collection. Evil Spock went from mere petty thug to full-on evil despot.

In the land of chimpanzees, he was a monkey. Monkey Muck had a question about climate change:

Evil Spock, it was 92 degrees here today. Will it ever cool down?


Evil Spock, with all of Evil Spock's power over gravity, has moved the Earth farther away from the sun just for you.

Slagathor from Some of Nothing Blog had a question about the drawbacks of having so many sycophants:

As a recently embloggated evildoer myself, I would like to know: does having so many kneelers before you impinge on your extracurricular evil doing? For instance, do you still have enough time to plot world domination and late-night refrigerator raids?

Also, is it true that vulcans never bluff?

Evil Spock's Few is awfully precious to Evil Spock, even though they seem to be abusive partners. Regardless, Evil Spock needs willing martyrs on the quest for world domination, and there aren't better lemmings than Evil Spock's Few.

Also, Evil Spock is an evil Vulcan, so bluffing is always an option for Evil Spock's tribe.

Andrée, from the Northeast Kingdom of Vermont, writes at the feline themed meeyauw. He couldn't figure out how to send the questions via electronic mail, but Evil Spock is always one to placate a new fan.

1. where are you? Georgetown? that's DC, I thought you were Midwest. I probably missed something somewhere here.

Evil Spock lives in the Midwest, but Evil Spock has friends who write for Georgetown Tales. One of them is a neighbor and newly-minted father!

2. I forgot the next question.

Evil Spock didn't forget, and yes, Evil Spock is as handsome and charming in real life.

3. i didn't vote for that costume. i don't like it. This is why democracy doesn't work that well for me.

Not a question, but would you like some cheese with your whine?

'nefty over in her own little world had a question about Evil Spock's speech impediment:

Why do you speak in "Second-person?"

Actually Evil Spock speaks in third-person. And its a speech impediment.

Jlee needs to get a blogroll on her blog, Jlee's Place. You need to make Evil Spock more famous! It's going to be the only thing that keeps her from being nominated to Superfan 2007. That, and obviously she doesn't study Evil Spock's writings as well as a member of The Few should:

Boxers or briefs? Or boxer briefs?

Grrr . . . You didn't remember that Evil Spock is a never-nude, and Evil Spock wears cut-off jean shorts underneath everything. Just like master thespian Dr. Tobias Fünke.



Evil Spock hopes you enjoyed another installment of Ask Evil Spock. Hopefully when the Dalai Lama leaves, everything will be back to normal. And if it isn't, Evil Spock will look for another scapegoat on the Evil Spock's Enemy's List to blame for Evil Spock's misfortunes.

Evil Spock out!