I wish I knew how to quit you.

Evil Spock has been MIA from the blog recently. Evil Spock works every night trying to make The Few happy, but Evil Spock is emotionally and intellectually spent. Evil Spock feels very apologetic about the whole thing, but sometimes Evil Spock needs to take a break from everything to come back to center. Evil Spock is thinking about walking away from The Needs of the Few.

Then Evil Spock woke up with a black eye.

Sure, Evil Spock got hit in the face really hard playing basketball the other day, but Evil Spock doesn't see a correlation between the shiner and the elbow. Instead, Evil Spock believes The Few are abusing Evil Spock.

The warning signs were there, but Evil Spock refused to believe that Evil Spock was in an abusive relationship with The Few. Evil Spock has worked closely with abused women in the past at the day-job-of-do-goodery, plus Evil Spock has watched copious amounts of Valerie Bertinelli and Judith Light on Lifetime, so Evil Spock thought these things couldn't happen to Evil Spock.

Evil Spock has a bindle packed so that Evil Spock can go on the lam. But to make doubley-sure Evil Spock isn't imagining things, Evil Spock found this relationship warning quiz on the interweb. Hopefully this will help give some clarity on the whole situation.

Relationship Warning Signs Quiz

Does Evil Spock feel nervous around your boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, or The Few?

Constantly! Evil Spock never knows if Evil Spock is saying the right thing, and Evil Spock feels that Evil Spock is walking on egg shells. No, make that eggs, Evil Spock is walking around on eggs. Big ostrich eggs, and Evil Spock has made a tremendous eggy mess everywhere.

Does Evil Spock have to be careful to control Evil Spock's behavior to avoid their anger?

Evil Spock isn't sure, are The Few angry right now?

Does Evil Spock feel pressured by them when it comes to sex?

God yes.

Is Evil Spock scared of disagreeing with them?

Only when it comes to the great debate of Waffles versus Pancakes.

Does the Few criticize Evil Spock, or humiliate Evil Spock in front of other people?

Um, yeah. Angry Ballerina, Dr. Zaius, and Dcup come to mind. Words hurt.

Are they always checking up or questioning Evil Spock about what you do without them?

Evil Spock guesses Evil Spock brought that on Evil Spock's self with the whole Ask Evil Spock thingee. Oh, by the by, Evil Spock will have that done tomorrow. Send in questions if you haven't to askevilspock@gmail.com

Does The Few repeatedly and wrongly accuse Evil Spock of seeing or flirting with other people?

Evil Spock is confused. Since Evil Spock is constantly flirting, Evil Spock guesses The Few's accusations are not unfounded. Lets blame you guys anyway.

Does The Few tell Evil Spock that if you changed they wouldn't abuse you?

Um, its never come up, but Evil Spock is willing to change. How about if Evil Spock changes into a Unicorn/Pegasus hybrid that shoots puppies from its eyes? Evil Spock calls it a Unipegasicorn with laser puppy eyes option. Laser puppy eyes do not come standard with the Unipegasicorn.

That crytpozoological creature is not gay, it is full of kickassery.

Does their jealousy stop Evil Spock from seeing friends or family?

Um, sure! That's exactly why Evil Spock hasn't visited Evil Spock's family in a couple of months! Its because of you guys and gals! See mom? Its not Evil Spock's fault!

Does The Few make Evil Spock feel like Evil Spock is wrong, stupid, crazy, or inadequate?

Never. Though some of you try very hard to do so. Evil Spock owns Evil Spock's feelings.

Have they ever scared Evil Spock with violence or threatening behavior?

A comment in Punching people in the dark . . . comes to mind.

Does Evil Spock often do things to please them, rather than to please Evil Spock?

Um, Yogi Bear Suit.

Do they prevent Evil Spock from going out or doing things you want to do?

Just the other day, Evil Spock thought about brewing some crystal meth in the shed, and The Few prevented that. How will Evil Spock buy Xmas gifts without that extra meth money to supplement Evil Spock's income?!?

Does Evil Spock feel that, with them, nothing Evil Spock does is ever good enough?

Evil Spock has no idea how Evil Spock will keep topping Evil Spock's self. Evil Spock was saving the skateboard jump over Springfield Gorge for the 50th anniversary. At the rate this going, Evil Spock will be jumping gorges next week.



Do they say that they will kill or hurt them self if Evil Spock breaks up with them?

Evil Spock is not responsible for death or injuries related to this blog.

Do they make excuses for their behavior, for example, by saying it's because of alcohol or drugs, or because they can't control their temper, or that they were 'just joking'?

Evil Spock has assumed this whole time that The Few is intoxicated or high. So, does that make this quiz null and void?

When Evil Spock finished the quiz, Evil Spock realized there wasn't a button to push to tabulate said results. So, the quiz is pretty inconclusive to Evil Spock. Therefore, Evil Spock will continue writing and monitoring The Few to make sure you people aren't all psycho stalkers. Evil Spock must defend future blog writers from you.

Oh, and if any of you took this test and scored abnormally high, please visit the Family Violence Prevention Fund.

Evil Spock out!