Louisville Slugger

Evil Spock has avoided talking about the Republican and Democratic candidates to this point because Evil Spock thought it was a waste of time. Remember 2004 when Howard Dean was the wunderkind iconoclast before his embarrassing meltdown? Al Gore and his pet project the interweb loved him, and then the caucuses happened. And of course the unforgettable scream. If Evil Spock has learned anything, its not to believe in the interweb until the field becomes a little bit more narrow. Because if you believed in the interweb, it looks like it'll be Ron Paul vs. Dennis Kucinich for 2008 (which is actually something Evil Spock wouldn't mind seeing on a ballot.)

Part of the reason Evil Spock doesn't want to talk about the candidates for 2008, is that Evil Spock doesn't want to give them any unnecessary exposure; there are plenty of other more informative blogs for that. But sometimes POTUS hopefuls will do something so ridiculous, that Evil Spock can't resist writing about them for humorous effect.

Immigration has become a biiiiiig issue for the Republicans. With the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan not going well, the GOP needs new technicolor scapegoats to go after. Even though immigrant workers contribute heavily to American society, many on the Right will argue that they put an unnecessary stressor to the US infrastructure. Evil Spock would argue that the Bizarro Bush administration is doing that by inadequately funding things like education or social service programs.

Nonetheless, the xenophobes are afraid that their culture of Big Macs and Ted Nugent will be usurped by empanadas and Menudo, and if there's anything that the GOP knows to do, is to to stir up fear and hatred into votes.

Recently, Republican candidate Rudy Giuliani was seen campaigning at a cheesesteak stand in Philadelphia named Geno's. In June of 2006, Geno's became infamous by placing a sign in their window that stated, "This is America: When ordering 'please speak English." Coincidentally, Evil Spock actually saw a sign like this in a restaurant in Mason, Ohio. Evil Spock is guessing neither of these restaurants accept the peso as payment either.

Giuliani was there pandering to the anti-immigration crowds. Though, as mayor of New York, Giulani was very supportive of immigrants and their good work ethic. In 1994, Giuliani told the New York Times, "If you come here, and you work hard, and you happen to be in an undocumented status, you're one of the people who we want in this city." .Sounding much like single-issue presidential hopeful, Congressman Tom Tancredo (R-CO), Giuliani is talking about building fences and surveillance equipment around the Mexican border. Evil Spock is sure a Canadian fence is in the works too.

Language seems to be a big issue when it comes to immigrants. Its not like people aren't attempting to pick up English. Evil Spock has noticed, at least in Evil Spock's community, that immigrants are making an earnest effor to learn English. Evil Spock witnesses it everyday, as those who have little to no-understanding of the English language are taking time from their second and third jobs to take English as a Second Language (ESL) courses.

Learning a second language in today's world is pretty important. In most countries, English is taught at a very early age, and many people around the world are bilingual to some degree. Evil Spock can understand Vietnamese (can't really speak it), reads French fairly well, and obviously has a good grasp on English too. Americans are pretty behind the curve when it comes to second language proficieny. Hell, half the people in this country can't even speak or write English very well to begin with.

Helping xenophobic Americans to learn a second language might help Joe Six-Pack better understand both figuratively and literally the plight of immigrants, plus it'll make them more marketable in today's world. Evil Spock understands time is precious, and Evil Spock knows that Americans are too busy living vicariously through fat people losing weight on television or following Britney Spears' custody trials and tribulations.

So Evil Spock is doing Evil Spock's best to find alternative ways to make learning a second language easier for them. Evil Spock has been looking into subliminal, liminal, and superliminal ways to get second languages into people's heads, but unfortunately there isn't enough room in there due to American Idol, Xbox, and NASCAR.

Evil Spock was stumped on helping people pick up a second language, but luckily Evil Spock read an article about a man who suddenly became fluent in English, even though he had just begin studying the language, and his skills were described as "basic as best".

18-year-old Matej Kus, a Czech speedway driver, was knocked unconscious for 45 minutes after a car crash. After waking up, he stunned everyone when he woke up and conversed fluidly in English with paramedics, even speaking in an English accent. Unfortunately the strange language acquisition didn't last very long, and he forgot how to speak English in two days.

Evil Spock isn't suggesting that people need to go and crash their cars to learn a new language, rather Evil Spock will gladly take a baseball bat and give a crack to some skulls until people pick up French, Chinese, or Swahili. Evil Spock would like to make Rep. Tancredo Evil Spock's first student. Evil Spock is willing to "teach" Mr. Tancredo via a Louisville Slugger until he becomes fluent, or Evil Spock's arms get tired. Anything to help bridge the gap.

Evil Spock out!